In all reality, and in spite of my (hopeful-but-delusional) last ditch attempt post, my gut is always right.
That sucker is never wrong. Man, it's a bitch.
I knew that even though he seemed like a decent guy under all that ass exploding glory (explode-a-buttinski/assman in case you missed it-- see "It's not you, It's my ass blog post), he has been through a divorce, and his conversations post blog discovery showed me that, in spite of what he said, he couldn't handle it. There were some hints along the way....
(Hint #1: People who can handle it, don't spend all their conversations throwing your other posts/blogs in your face).
A good deal of men surely couldn't get past it, so he isn't alone in that. Hearing criticism, however funny and honest it is, always hurts. I didn't mean to hurt him, especially since this was always a personal, private blog sharing my most inner thoughts and feelings, but it was my big mouth that mentioned I blogged about dating. (however, isn't the name of the blog fair warning? haahaaa)
But you know what, someone had to tell him. I'm going to chalk it up to performing a public service--and I bet he fixes some of these things for the next girl. Look at me, I'm like a fucking PSA!!! You = welcome!!!!
(Hint #2: Maybe one should interpret the chick not texting back all day and night as her not being interested/something's up and ask her why, instead of googling her and her blog like a stalker. . . just a thought).
But sure, I did the blogging, it was essentially my fault. My bad. I'm sarcastic, I say what I feel, sans filter. But I only feel so free to do so because it won't hurt anyone's feelings.
This blog, in case you missed it, is anonymous. For. A. Reason.
That reason being: I don't want to hurt anyone.
You would think an anonymous blog where I respect people's privacy and DON'T use names nor identifying info like where they live/work etc. would be enough to keep that from happening. You would be wrong. (mostly b/c I have a big mouth, and felt like we had both been through something (divorce/cheating) and that I could trust him with this private information). And I was wrong. (man, I'm really working that trend, no? At least I'm consistent!!!!)
Moral of the story: No, you shouldn't trust so easily. Got it.
This is for me, for strangers, and close friends. If I wanted someone specific to see it, I would share it with them. Actively seeking out that information, is just creepy.
Lesson learned: FoxyBlur will not be a topic of any future dating conversation. Ever. lol.
And you know what, I went out of my way to try to make him feel better, but alas, he didn't care. I never chase a guy. Ever. But apparently, I can be guilted into it. Ouch.
The irony is that I'm such a sap, I even got some Aim toothpaste and put a bow on it for him as a cute peace offering. He probably won't want to see me, even as a friend, so I guess I could return it? lol. Looks like I can spend that dollar elsewhere now. (yeah, it sells for a dollar, must be just loaded with floride and good shit, lol)
A Little White Lie
I will admit. I did lie to him. When he first found my blog, I lied and said that it wasn't all truth, and that I sometimes exaggerate or put a spin on it. I panicked, and could tell he was hurting, and I think that a little white lie to hurt someone less isn't a terrible thing. The truth is, I meant every word of it when I wrote it. I write what I feel, and dammit, that is exactly what I felt. Don't believe me? Ask in the comments section, someone who knows me will confirm. I tell all, but I do so b/c it is a place for me to vent, and mend my heart in the way that I know how. Oh, and it's anonnnnyyymousssss. fml.
How It Should Have Gone
I value honesty above all else, but there is also something called modesty--- even when totally honest, you don't have to be blunt or vulgar. If your ass is about to explode, you could say, for example, that you aren't feeling well, apologize, and bow out. Do the kiss to show interest, and make a plan for a second date. That scenario is honest, without being too vulgar or blunt on a first date, and still shows interest. There would have been no blog about that one. What would there have been to say? He wasn't feeling well and was kind, mature, and awesome? Not really blog fodder there.
The Truth Hurts. (doesn't it always?)
Truth: he doesn't want to see me again because of it. (shocking? I think not)
There will be no do-over, no second/first date, and I didn't expect there would be. (which I was floored he even seemed to be open to it at first. A man's man? He exists? Calm yourself, he doesn't). Had he seen me in person, I think I could have fixed it, but getting there was the hurdle. And it would always have been looming in the background. It may be hard to look someone in the eye who has publicly discussed your pooping habits. I've never put my private bathroom habits out there, so I wouldn't know.
I keep those thoughts, entirely, to myself.
Next truth: He said it himself, had he bought pepto for his already upset stomach at the walgreens at the outset of the date instead of toothpaste, this might have gone entirely differently. Like, to at some point, seeing my special order bras and not your asscapades online. haaahaa. nope. no boob for you! And PS who uses AIM? I was shocked they even make that shit anymore. He said he can always find it at a dollar store. Great. Just, great. Where's the dentist? At the drive through?
Memory Lane...one last go round....
Bullshit #1: "It wasn't my gf I beat up"
Oh, did I mention, that he told me during the first date that he was arrested once for a domestic incident? Yah. Why would you tell me that? Ever. He said it was dismissed "or something"--even MORE reason to not mention it since I wouldn't know right? How is that a first date story? Although, in his defense, I did say I value honesty, and he was being honest when I asked if he was ever arrested. I guess I'm the asshole, and he was doing what I wanted. But still, you could save this gem for later, or never. Right? Right. Ok, so he did ameliorate by saying it was just a fight with someone who was a non gf person, and it was a mix up. But still, why lead with "I was arrested for a domestic incident/violence"---at least lead with "This guy and I got in a fight and here's what happened in this mix up"--gotta work on his story telling skills. Honesty is great, but you can present it in a less "I'm a wifebeater" kinda way. Geeeez.
(I hope he tells this one to his next date heeheee)
B/c you know every date is leaving thinking, whewwww, no second date for this asshole, I'm outta here BEFORE he starts beating me up!!!! Asshole!!! Because really, who is believing that it was NOT with his gf??? On a first date?? Uh, no.
Again, honesty is paramount, but how you present it is important too. I may be the last one to suggest this, but dude, get a filter.
Bullshit #2: "I'm not easy" (yes, yes you are) At least fucking own it.
The funniest thing is he claims repeatedly that he isn't "easy." All the while telling me about a few women who "used him for sex," and past booty calls he was a party to. Wow, sounds like you aren't easy at all. (especially since you're telling me this over and over on a first date).
And then, as if the "I've been used for my penis" stories weren't enough proof, during the date he brushed his hand against my butt, and during the kiss was pretty handsy--all over my back, front tummy/abdomen, hair pulling, neck, shoulders and attempted boob grazing. Then suggested making out in his room or in my car (you remember, after the asscapade).
Yep, you're a chaste nugget, ain't ya. So a filter AND a dictionary is needed. Got it.
Saddest truth: I think I'm most upset that I won't get a back massage out of this.
Yeah..., that should have been my first clue that this didn't have much relationship potential. What is eharmony matching us on? That we both breathe (and have asses?) Oooo!!! Maybe it was that he has an overactive ass, and I can be an ass...hmmm sounds likely. That must have been it!!! It was an assmatch. (Potential new dating site? I think yes!)
Newest truth: He wasn't man enough for me. But, let's be honest, I didn't expect he would be. An ass-centric nickname, being teased and criticized, eh, doesn't usualllllly bode well for the future of a relationship. you know, unless you're dating superman. or a really awesome man. Either way, no-go. And in his defense, most people wouldn't be.
In the end, he was fun, we had some decent chemistry and in his defense, his kissing did improve as the minutes went by. He wasn't that ambitious career-wise, and honestly that probably would have made the relationship somewhat limited to just some fun dating. It's probably for the best. I still feel like an asshole, but hey, people make mistakes (please note, my mistake was telling a guy I was considering dating about the existence of the blog, not the blogging itself).
Because, I'm always gonna tell it like it is.
I am who I am; Take me or Leave me.
I am who I am; Take me or Leave me.
If you choose to leave me, I can respect that.
I recently met someone that I think is pretty cool, and I'm happy to entertain the idea.
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Listen, I know I'm a handful, I never pretended to not be. Marilyn Monroe said it best,
"I'm selfish (only in blogging), impatient (got me there) and a little insecure (occasionally, sure). I make mistakes (no shit), I am out of control (eh, in a funny silly way sometimes) and at times hard to handle (hell yeah). But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." (Amen!)
He said he met someone too who he "likes better than me"--which I'm pretty sure translates to "she didn't make me feel bad by blogging about my exploding asscapades in public," and is interested in pursuing that. I can totally understand that.
And I sincerely hope she is all the woman he deserves.
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And I sincerely hope she is all the woman he deserves.
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